Saturday, June 14, 2008

i miss him

When I was in junior high I had poster that hung on my wall for years. I'm sure it was thrown away in a fit of redecorating but I loved it. It read:

Some people come into our livesand leave footprints on our hearts

and we are never ever the same.
Some people come into our lives and quickly go...
Some stay for awhile and embrace our silent dreams.
They help us become aware of the delicate winds of hope...
and we discover within every human spirit there are wings yearning to fly.
They help our hearts to see that the only stairway to the stars is woven with dreams...
and we find ourselves unafraid to reach high.
They celebrate the true essence of who we are...
and have faith in all that we may become.
Some people awaken us to new and deeper realizations...
for we gain insight from the passing whisper of their wisdom
Throughout our lives we are sent precious souls...
meant to share our journey however brief or lasting their stay
they remind us why we are here.
To learn... to teach... to nurture... to love
Some people come into our lives to cast a steady light
upon our path and guide our every step
their shining belief in us helps us to believe in ourselves.
Some people come into our lives to teach us about love...
The love that rests within ourselves.
Let us reach out to others and feel the bliss of giving
for love is far richer in action than it ever is in words.
Some people come into our lives
and they move our souls to sing and make our spirits dance.
They help us to see that everything on earth is part of the incredibility of life...
and that it is always there for us to take of its joy.
Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same.
~by Flavia Weedn~

The poster didn't include the entire poem but it's the first lines (and the last) that grab me. I feel so blessed to have certain people in my life. My family, my friends, old lovers, and there are the people I have yet to meet. There is one person in particular that I always think of when I read this poem. He loved me and I loved him. We both still love each other in a different way I suppose. I remeber the first time I saw him, standing in the airport so nervous...holding a hot pink rose for me. And I remember standing in his kitchen wrapped in a gray towel, my hair still wet from the shower, smelling that still perfect rose. He was doing something in the kitchen but I remember he looked at me and I just felt so loved in that moment. Why I broke his heart I will never know. I ask myself that question almost every day. We are still close friends, which is strange. I've dated other people and so has he. His current girlfriend is wonderful for him. She's beautiful and seems to have a big heart and I can tell she makes him happy. All I want for him is happiness and I'm glad that he has found it. I'll admit there is a part of me that aches for him from time to time. Days like today when I have nothing to do but relax with a good book, and I can't help but think how nice it would be to look over and see him on the couch next to me with a book of his own, his dog and my cat between us. It could be that in this new city I'm just very lonely and have too much time on my hands to think about the past. But for whatever reason....I miss him today.


Anonymous said...

Keep in touch - you may decide he IS your type, so don't encourage him TOO much on how good the new girlfriend is for him!

RachelAnn said...

The funny thing is that he called last night and we had a great talk, I even let him read the post. He's happy with her, he's happy being close to me and she knows we're close and says she's ok with it.....interesting. Who knows. It's like the title of that book by that female rabbi "We Make Plans, God laughs"

RachelAnn said...

I am somehow unable to post anything at the moment fyi