Loaded Questions, Loaded Guns

impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. impossible is not a fact. its an opinion. impossible is not a declaration. its a dare. impossible is potential. impossible is temporary. impossible is nothing. - Mohammad Ali

Ever watched The Departed? There's a great quote in it, "when you grow up they tell you, you can be a cop or a criminal. But when you're in front of a loaded gun does it matter?" Every since I was a little girl I always loved watching shows like Law and Order, old war movies, etc. Seeing as I was raised with two sisters, home schooled, grew up very conservative with a loving, and very non-violent : ) family.... what made me crave this type of entertainment? I often thought about becoming a cop, but decided that if I had a weapon and a license to use it I would end up killing the bad guys instead of arresting them.

As I grew older I began to love it even more. Movies and shows about cops, about the bad guys getting what they deserve. Then I start dating a bad guy. What happened there? Was it a subconscious decision I made, hoping I could "get the bad guy"? Well, needless to say, after many things that don't need to be mentioned, I was single again. I date a few nice guys, get bored and then find someone who I love and loathe at the same time. Confident and cocky, I've done the background work and know he's a prick. His whole family are cops, the kind of cops who will beat the crap out of someone who looks at them crosswise. He's a white collar worker, very professional, but loves a good fight. He lets hockey be his outlet. At one point when we were dating I got a call that he and some buddies were fighting and he was freaking out because his friend knocked a guy over the head and thought he really hurt the guy. He wanted me to let him hide at my house while his uncle that was on duty took care of it. I laughed at him and called 911. That was the breaking point of our relationship. Months later we ran into each other and talked about it. He said he could never trust me because of that incident, that he and his family didn't rat and couldn't date someone that did. I laughed at him again and told him to stop acting like he was on the Sopranos and grow up. He asked what I would do if we were married and I found out he was in the mob, I told him I'd be an informant and send him to prison.

What is it in me that's drawn to these men and repulsed by them at the same time? Most women love the bad boys, but I seem drawn to ones that get away with it. I want to be the one that makes them pay for it. Today I was cleaning the house and watched "american gangster", "the departed", and "righteous kill". All movies about the bad guys getting what they deserve. Righteous Kills was a perfect example of what I would do if I were a cop. Bad guys get away with stuff they get what they deserve.

Don't you ever miss the old days when a good guy could kill a bad guy and everyone would applaud? When politics didn't play a part of it, when technicalities didn't let child molesters out of prison after 2 years? I'm not sure what put me in this mood tonight but let's just call this righteous anger. Anger that I live in a country that's going down the tubes, a country where thousands of soldiers and civilians die for what? So that 7 freaking years after 9/11 we're still trying to prove what a big bad country we are? Our country is on its way down. I'm about ready to jump ship and change countries. This politically correct piece of crap country can kiss my ass (sorry mom)

Sorry but I'm no longer going to call myself a patriot, loyal to good ol US of A. And it has nothing to do with our new president, I wish him the best of luck in salvaging our economy. I hope to God he can fix this economy before I decide to move to Australia or something.

Hmm...this is an interesting night. Here's a question, if you knew the person in front of you was going to kill an innocent person tomorrow would you be able to kill them? I wouldn't even bat an eyelash, is that bad?