relationships and cancer

life is interesting sometimes. lets recap my week. last friday morning, the man i met on eharmony-the one i posted about early this summer-broke up with his girlfriend. he tells me this and all i can think is, finally! we can finally be together again!! then i feel like an asshole because his heart is breaking and he's really hurt right now. over the next couple of days he and i discuss getting back together. the catch is that he still loves her. but he also loves me. we've been in love for two years and here is our chance but he loves her too. i told him to take all the time he needs that i will wait for him and be his friend and love him and pray for him. first he says we should take a few weeks and not talk to let him figure things out. then he keeps calling (yay!) so we decide to just check in with each other once a week to talk. he keeps calling (yay again!) our conversations have gotten very deep and both of us end up tears most of the time. still confused and don't know where this is going.

wednesday afternoon. my doctor calls to tell me that i need a biopsy right away and most likely surgery because she thinks i have cervical cancer. four months ago i had pre-cancerous cells that were removed and i got the all clear. now they're back and growing faster than ever. awesome. so in two days i'll get the biopsy and hopefully know by the end of the week if i have to go under the knife.

i just wish this next month would be over. i have no patience. especially not when it comes to weston. he brings out this side of me that turns me into a sappy romantic girl with her heart on her sleeve. when i think about him i can see him as a husband, as the father of my children, as someone i will sleep next to every night and wake up to every morning. i'm more scared that he won't be with me again than i am that i have cancer. how's that for being screwed up?